@moose_chocolate

“Carrie” is my favourite movie about how religious faith leads to supernatural mass murder.

You Might Also Like

@ohen39

[after sitting 21 hours for a portrait drawing]
painter: I’m done
me: ok now let’s do a silly one

@RealDMK

If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me no matter where I try to hide!

@fightforfood

I’m sick of this one horse town
*moves to two horse town*
No, no, this is too much

@dadtellsjokes

Dad:I don’t trust those trees…..
Son: Why? What do you mean?
Dad: They seem kind of shady

@sosexuaI

gf: come over
me: i’m coming over
gf: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over

@PLATINUM2000

Who said chivalry is dead, I open the door at least a hundred times a day for my cat and dogs.

@LoveNLunchmeat

Establish dominance by shaking your spouse’s hand when they go in for a kiss.

@daemonic3

Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato.

@birdbutterer

I only look good from one angle and if someone could please tell me what that angle is I’d be grateful