[cashier training, day 1]
“Be sure to comment on everything a customer buys. They love that.”
You Might Also Like
I’m at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party.
I have taken up painting
PET SHOP OWNER: So would u like a puppy for your son?
ME: Yes[home]
WIFE: Where’s Tommy?
ME [with a puppy] ok so they offered me this deal
Leave ‘em wanting more. That’s what I always
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.
3% human
97% stress
Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer
A mom just told her kids the park is closing so they would leave without throwing fits.
Another mom overheard and said, “Uh-oh, the park is closing! Gotta go!
So I said, “Everyone’s leaving! Let’s follow them out!”
We all winked at each other and got in our cars.
Teamwork.
as someone who lives on earth rising sea levels are alarming. But as someone who has always wanted to be a mermaid? I’m intrigued
“Good choices” – guy at the liquor store
Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
In a parallel universe a group of mystery solving sasquatch teens are unmasking The Velma that’s been chasing them all night.
fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat…
cat: LOL THAT’S SO YOU!
The Beyond Meat COO was arrested for biting a man’s nose. Once again proving you just can’t beat the real thing.
[Interview]
CEO: Why do you think you’d be a good fit at our firm?
GUY WHOSE DESCRIPTION IS SO LONG HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY GET TO SAY ANYTHING:
[using a dust pan for the first time]
Me: honey, how long until this dirt is cooked
I know the birds that flew south for winter mad as hell right now.
women and their purses! haha what’s in there. tampons? lol. WATER? sweater? got sweaters? do you have an extra men’s medium sweater in there
Went to Costco for eggs. Walked out with a toaster oven, an 80 inch 4K TV, minus 1 child and no eggs.
[1st time eating a lemon] this orange is angry
me: grandma u cant believe every article on facebook
also me:[reads thread on twitter] ok avril lavigne has definitely been dead since 2003
Some people have no respect. It’s obvious I’m on my phone trying to do something & this guys all “STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!”
We thought our son was excited for us to attend Back-to-School night so we could meet his teacher…Turns out, his actual excitement was bc he couldn’t wait to show us the bathroom stall he had carefully chosen…“to do all the pooping in.”
Hi, Id like to buy a Nutri-Bullet, pls.
Salesperson: Ah, nice. Off on a cleanse or health kick?
Yes. *imagines drinking lasagna* For sure.
i just hope my kid isn’t the kid that makes a teachers day by being absent
who did the taste test?
There’s no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that’s been in the closet for a year.
Chuffed as chips with my new Apple watch!
I’m really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. Like I’m really glad you can see 92 miles ahead but the rest of us are blind now.
Him: *Head in hands*
Her: What’s happened?
Him: Well- I…I… I found this head