Don’t be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they’ll spend more time manually checking your updates
casual sex implies that there is ranked competitive sex
You Might Also Like
Give me one good reason not to have a drink.
Hepatologist: Hold my beer.
Everybody: Pink starbursts are the best starbursts
Starburst Corporate: What I’m hearing is that the bag should be half yellow starbursts
Him: I like a woman with a healthy appetite
Me (acing this date):
I love commercials that treat me like an absolute moron
“tired of going to the bathroom?”
“do you need more birds in your life?”
“who left this yoo-hoo here?”
“fed up with regular air?”
“this product costs money”
me *watches toddler push wife’s work papers off the coffee table*
wife *walks in* Who did this?
me: Your stupid cat
me: if I’m guilty of anything it’s caring too much…
judge: no it’s armed robbery
me: *clenches fist* about money
I just pulled over for a siren on the radio so I get it, dogs that bark at tv.
me: I always get shy around beautiful women
friend: just tell her
me: *quiet mumbling*
me: ᴵ ˢᵃⁱᵈ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ’ˢ ᵃ ᵈᵉᵃᵈ ᵇᵒᵈʸ ⁱⁿ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵈᵘᵐᵖˢᵗᵉʳ