[Gets shot by mugger]
Girl walks by: omg are u ok?
I’m dying [sees she isn’t wearing a ring] I mean I’m fine but not as fine as you, sup?
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The Breakfast Club: (1985) (1hr 37 mins) Not a single breakfast is had. Barely a club. Misleading. 1/10
Maybe artists wouldn’t be so starving all the time if they’d just eat all that fruit they’re always painting.
I hate when guys try to kiss me during sex
Sir, I have a boyfriend
HER: I love Game Of Thrones
ME(trying to impress her): I slept with my sister
people: u should smile
me: not unless u deposit 2 million dollars in my bank account thanks
My favorite deleted scene from Lord of the Rings is when Bilbo & Frodo discover they have a long lost hipster cousin called Douche Baggins.
Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.