Cats (2019)

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[Gets shot by mugger]

Girl walks by: omg are u ok?

I’m dying [sees she isn’t wearing a ring] I mean I’m fine but not as fine as you, sup?


The Breakfast Club: (1985) (1hr 37 mins) Not a single breakfast is had. Barely a club. Misleading. 1/10


Maybe artists wouldn’t be so starving all the time if they’d just eat all that fruit they’re always painting.


HER: I love Game Of Thrones

ME(trying to impress her): I slept with my sister




people: u should smile

me: not unless u deposit 2 million dollars in my bank account thanks


My favorite deleted scene from Lord of the Rings is when Bilbo & Frodo discover they have a long lost hipster cousin called Douche Baggins.


Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.


My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.