I heard that #TheDress debate has already destroyed 18 relationships. These people probably shouldn’t be breeding anyway.
*catwoman struggles into suit*
*catwoman realises she needs to pee*
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My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there’s only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person.
My life won’t stop downloading updates without my permission.
How come mimes never imagine being in bigger boxes?
I miss being a baby and having milestones. No one cares if you’re an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.
I am not a ride or die chick.
I have questions. Where we going? Will there be food? Why do I have to die? Why didn’t you like my last pic?..
[On a date and we pull into the restaurant parking lot]
“I’ll just wait in the car.”
why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward
My doctor asked where I was in my menstrual cycle so I told her I’m on the ‘assuming everyone is mad at me’ day.
I’ve been clicking “remind me later” on this work software update for 2 years when is he going to get the hint that I’m not interested?