@JohnLyonTweets: [caught sneaking spaghetti into a movie theater] It’s OK, I have a medical marinara card.
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@joshbupkes: that moment when football players come out of the locker room and realize they're all wearing the same thing again
@squirrel74wkgn: I once beat boxed for over 6 hours trying to impress a girl before finding out she was deaf.
@SuperApple80: Everybody thinks they want to sleep with an older women until we ask you to sit up straight and keep your elbows off the table.