jesus could get on twitter and be like “fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!” and someone would be like “you’re”.
CEO of KFC: “We must always respect our customers. That is so important.”
Ian: “Shall we still serve them food in a bucket?”
You Might Also Like
Things I learnt from Avatar:
– Kill Smurfs while they’re still young.
I’m in favour of having these replace their current scientific names
I’m actually kind of handsome when you’re drunk and the light is low and there’s no other dudes around and you have low standards.
I like my women like I like my moon: hidden behind a dark mist and worshipped by wolves
People who wait 3 hours to respond to a text “LOL” should be punched in the neck.
Your not fooling anybody. You weren’t LOLing that long.
me [im a goat]: u gonna eat that dress?
date [also a goat]: yes
My husbands signature move is running to town “real quick” and coming home 5 hours later.
“I’d like to make a toast.”
– piece of toast telling her toast husband she wants to start a family
I try to live each day like it’s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?