Just donated blood. I hope whoever gets it likes wine.
[checking bag at the airport]: yes, that is indeed a bag
You Might Also Like
A disloyal friend will shank you without hesitation, but a really good friend will think long and hard about it and then shank you.
The “eye for an eye” philosophy isn’t exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops.
If listening to a 30 minute explanation of a 5 minute YouTube clip sounds fun, parenting may be right for you.
her: [during roleplay] come get me
me: [struggling to get up with my ninja turtle shell on] no you get me
Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I’d own this place.
Hey Verizon, here’s an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
I don’t always have time to exercise. But when I do…I don’t.
Me: Good morning!
Cat: *headbutts me* *purr*
Me: Aren’t you the sweetest thing!
Cat: *kneads me* *purr*
Me: Yes, I love you too!
Cat: *plots my gruesome death* *purr*
*dinosaur at zoo roars at me*
whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this
oh its a thesaurus