Cheerleaders are there to tell you that your team needs to score more points & the name of your team in case you forget at any given moment
You Might Also Like
If you are reading this then you are reading this
Teacher: Write what you know.
Student: *writes “what you know.”*
100,000 Americans signed a petition to have Justin Bieber deported back to Canada.
8 million Canadians signed a petition to prevent this.
when it’s time for me to follow thru with plans I agreed to
(therapist voice)
Please, lie down on the shrouch.
You know your cooking sucks when you toss your leftovers down the garbage disposal and it throws them up again.
If you live in denial of your emotions, it will take far longer to take care of them, because once we recognize what we’re feeling, we can tackle it or whatever is causing it.
📸: @blessingmanifesting
#positivemind #dailymotivation #keepmovingforward #personalgrowth
If anyone needs me, I’ll be spending the rest of my life under this bathroom light that gives my abs a hint of definition.
Next time you feel like judging someone, remember that the German guy who used Craigslist to find a victim to dismember and cannibalize is a vegetarian now. People CAN change.
my dad has had enough
Signs you’re a man:
*has a massive heart attack* It’s nothing, really. I’m fine.
*catches a cold* Gather ‘round children. My time is drawing nigh.
[first date]
ME: *staring at phone* So then you just come up with something funny and people RT you
WAITER: Sir, your date left 20 min ago
My wife: “I’ll be ready in a second. I just have to get the kids dressed.”
Me: “OK.”
*takes a nap*
*reads four books*
*builds a pyramid*
the joker: lol i’m going to get rid of the one thing you care of most
batman [clenching fist]: pancakes
robin [slowly being dropped into pool of sharks]: what
[Brings date home]
O geez did I leave all my rare, holographic Pokemon cards out on my bed again? Guess we’ll just have to lay here & battle
I totally get your eyebrows.
My bank account is overdrawn, too.
My husband witnessed a miracle today. The Amazon truck drove by our house
…without stopping.
4yo: Bam!
Me: Excuse me?!
7yo: He didn’t say dammit!
2yo: Dammit?
Me: 🤦♀️
Screw it. SCREW EVERYTHING.
– me, 5 minutes after learning how to use a power drill
Not saying I’m lazy, but if we had a motion detector alarm in our house it wouldn’t have gone off all day yesterday, even though I was home.
My age reversal cream is working. It gave me zits.
Hot singles in your area are eating chili.
I don’t think this is talked about enough but Airbnbs have led to there being too many cushions in the world.
I refuse to eat pound cake or go to yard sales. It’s metric system or gtfo.
my good friends know that i’m just 4 voicemails and 10 texts away. like whenever they need me. when I’m available.
My toddler just threw her teddy bear out of her crib like she works for United Airlines.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE?
Neighbour: Get out of my house!
Me: You’re not even guessing.
I dont mean to brag but my sense of humour has people saying they worry about me sometimes.
“Miss Yates, why didn’t Sam and Frodo just use the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom?” – Ted Cruz.