@ThatMummyLife

*Chicken strips*

Me: *blushes*

You Might Also Like

@supermarkusa

I see in my wife’s browser history that she’s is googling couples ballroom dance lessons and I’m now praying that she’s having an affair

@lisaxy424

30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn’t calling the number I dialed.

@Brianhopecomedy

My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn’t even come close to my 5 year old’s reaction when I told him that there’s no school today.

@oconeebuildr

My son washes dishes like he knows there are 12,000 germs but only wants to kill 1.

@ohpegah

*calls child protective services*
PROTECTIVE SERVICES: Why would you name me this, mom?

@DiscoFruit

[3rd grade]
bae: come over
me: no
bae: my parents aren’t home.
me: but we’re only 7, that’s awful parenting.
bae: but-
me: AWFUL. PARENTING.

@batkaren

We’ve secretly replaced Janet’s coffee with melatonin capsules. Let’s see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…