Baltimore’s chief export seems to be artisanal crime narrative.
Chivalry is just the study of green onions right?
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Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book?
Me: Every night
Priest: What’s their favorite part?
Me: When Frodo destroys the ring
Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they’re already in tiny little bags!
Life is short. If you have a crush on someone, walk right up to them then a little past them and just keep going it’s probably not worth it
I can’t have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.
Hulk Hogan: I struggled to overcome manic-depression.
Me [as his therapist]: So you could say you had to wrestle mania?
*gets leg dropped*
Family cookouts are spent telling me to “stop…don’t say that”
Vader: I AM your father.
Luke: Why are you telling me this now?
Vader: I need a kidney.
IF YOURE UNDER 18 DO NOT READ THIS
fellow grown folks. isn’t oatmeal delicious
Just found out Fox News’s website has a Science section, which I assume links to a video of Sean Hannity screaming at a biology textbook.