Dressing up as the grim reaper while at work in the ER is not amusing says HR. So uptight.
Chivalry is just the study of green onions right?
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Found a box of photos in the closet, one of which was me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe that was over six months ago.
If You cannot produce a baby in 1 month by impregnating 9 Women, You’re not a man yet!
[first day as a Twitter designer]
Never mind an edit button. What people really want are round avis.
This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang but with a Zoom meeting that never ends due to technical issues.
5: can i play the wii?
me: does mommy usually let u guys this early in the morning?
5: but she’s still sleeping!!
me: i don’t want to die today.
If you see me jogging, please kill whatever the hell is chasing me.
I’m tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace
9 Year Old: Where do babies come from?
Me: (pause) Europe.
Guy: *slides into my DMs* hi
Me: *opens back door so he slides straight back out* bye