Wanna feel old? 1990 was 40 years ago.
Chris Brown said he’s done making music.
That’s funny. I didn’t even know he started.
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I am pleased to report that the spider I felt on my neck that caused me to nearly drop the baby was, in fact, my shirt tag.
Me: we’re so compatible we finish each other’s
Me: you interrupt me one more time I will end you
craved ice cream, so I had Greek yogurt with blueberries instead
still craving ice cream except now I’m angry, too
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
Need I say more?
The only wisdom that comes with age is knowing which stores have the nicer restrooms.
So many people are worried that The Walking Dead could happen and I’m over here terrified that Idiocracy is actually happening.
Me: Ok, here we go. Right foot, yellow
Me: Left hand, red
Me: Left foot, green
Police sketch artist: this can’t be true
“Please! There’s no need to interact with me. I’m just here to observe.”
-me in every social situation