@SardonicTart

Christian Bale has done ok for himself considering he’s named after a religious bundle of hay.

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@iwearaonesie

[Jurassic Park]
kid: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
me: What?
kid: Do-you-think-he-saurus
me *pushes him out of the tree*

@mydmac

I prefer to date a man after I see how well he treats his wife.

@alvaxbeta

Elon literally had the chance to name his kid Melon Musk and he blew it.

@curlycomedy

People who finish their entire stick of lip balm without losing it first should be the only ones allowed to have kids.

@ShortSleeveSuit

Got kicked out of the supermarket for aggressively cuddling the peaches again