kid: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
me *pushes him out of the tree*
Christian Bale has done ok for himself considering he’s named after a religious bundle of hay.
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*checks real estate listings on other planets*
I prefer to date a man after I see how well he treats his wife.
Elon literally had the chance to name his kid Melon Musk and he blew it.
People who finish their entire stick of lip balm without losing it first should be the only ones allowed to have kids.
Got kicked out of the supermarket for aggressively cuddling the peaches again
Would a rose by any other name still let Jack die?
“I’d like to raise a toast.”
I’m starting a sarcasm club. It would mean the world to me if you joined.