CIA Agent: First you’re gonna cry, then you’re gonna talk
Me: I’ll never talk
CIA Agent: [puts on the Notebook]
[two hours later]
Me: [crying] he-he just loved her so much you know?
CIA Agent: [also crying] wanna talk about it?
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Effective immediately, all United Airlines flights require at least one passenger to volunteer as tribute.
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
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My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.
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CLERK: you ordered the same thing yesterday
ME:[leans in] why don’t u mind your own gd business
I open a fancy cigarette case and offer you a stick of beef jerky.
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