I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it’s 7:30 already. You’re gonna be late for work.
Cinderella: thanks for finding my shoe 🙂
Prince: no problem. will u marry me
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“Man, what’s eating you today?
I Don’t know…. GET IT OFF OF ME!!!
[God inventing pain]
God: This is how humans will know they need to heal physically.
Angel: But how will they know if they need emotional healing?
God [inventing Linkin Park]: worry not
*sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs*
Me: Need help with that?
Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl.
This makes me crack up every time I see it.
Out in public, my husband and I only argue using whale sounds, so it’s actually a very calm and soothing experience for people around us.
A gag order but for people that go “ahhhh” after every sip of coffee.
So when people say they religiously do something. Does that mean they do it really hypocritically and fairy tale like?
me: [walking into high school reunion] this is going to be a nightmare
principal: where’s your pants?
“OMG IT’S RAINING A LITTLE BIT AND NOW I’VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING I’VE EVER KNOWN!!!” – Drivers, apparently.