[commercial for twitter]

hey do you love wasting time and also getting angry

You Might Also Like


if chickens exchanged goods and services for a fixed price it would be called chicken tenders have a great day




me: can you check my math homework?

guard: what

me: is this not a correctional facility


Because I was late to the cannibal feast, they gave me the cold shoulder.


Shout out to the pack of wolves that raised me to be the lady I am today.


Brain: he must study-how?
*Hormones raise hand*
H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life?
B: *whispers*
It’s for his own good.


[brainstorming movie scripts]

writer: a romantic comedy? guy sees girl in red dress and falls in-

stephen king: what if it’s an evil dress


Wife *returns home* anyone called?
Me: yeah, 5 called the baby an idiot.