@jarry

[commercial for twitter]

hey do you love wasting time and also getting angry

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@iamspacegirl

if chickens exchanged goods and services for a fixed price it would be called chicken tenders have a great day

@

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@TheHyyyype

me: can you check my math homework?

guard: what

me: is this not a correctional facility

@StephenKing

Because I was late to the cannibal feast, they gave me the cold shoulder.

@Lisabug74

Shout out to the pack of wolves that raised me to be the lady I am today.

@Tharin_P

Brain: he must study-how?
*Hormones raise hand*
H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life?
B: *whispers*
It’s for his own good.

@TheHyyyype

[brainstorming movie scripts]

writer: a romantic comedy? guy sees girl in red dress and falls in-

stephen king: what if it’s an evil dress

@iinkedZombie

Wife *returns home* anyone called?
Me: yeah, 5 called the baby an idiot.