
A reality show, where you spy on your suspected cheating significant other, called Baewatch.
Congratulations a celebrity blocked you. You were so annoying that they noticed you through all the Twitter noise. You must be a real prize.
A reality show, where you spy on your suspected cheating significant other, called Baewatch.
My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road.
I need a bed that pops me out like a toaster.
*Knocks on door*
Hey open up. You didn’t reply to my last 43 texts & then you tweeted about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
Her: Your house has a lot of cool stuff in it… Who plays the piano?
Me: Pretty much anybody who is trying to get on somebody’s nerves.
Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks
When I was in my twenties we didn’t have hipsters we had AIDS, which was almost as bad.
Who were the kings of disco?
A) Gees
B) Gees
C) Gees
D) Gees
Bagel Seeds
that awkward moment when a friend is complaining about their spouse, but you start to identify with the spouse