Taco Bell is planning on doubling the ‘meat’ in their ingredients. Unlike Cadbury, they’re informing us in advance.
Considering the fact that I’m still working in people’s homes everyday, if the coronavirus hasn’t killed me in a week, nothing can kill me.
Bullets and gravity.
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me: head, shoulders, knees and toes, eyes and ears and mouth and nose
Me: how was school?
Son: I cried today.
Me: oh that’s okay everyone cries.
Son: and I peed on my teacher.
Me: oh that’s okay buddy, I pee on people all the time.
Sometimes I open the refrigerator door with my foot just to impress my dog.
ECHO! ECHO! ECHO! Hahaha. Just kidding Tina! But in all seriousness that’s quite a serious infection you have here.
– Me as a Gynaecologist
Why is this wet? Just one of the fun games you get to play as a parent.
If Leonardo da Vinci posted the Mona Lisa on Instagram today, it would get 30 likes, tops.
Staying with my parents, pt. 3:
[4 yo is following my dad around]
Her: Whatcha doin?
Dad: Grabbing things for errands
Her: Whatcha doin now?
Him: Going to the garage
Her: Where you goin now?
Him: WHAT ARE YOU THE KGB? YOU GONNA REPORT BACK TO MOTHER RUSSIA?! LEAVEMEALONE
Actually, Frankincense was the name of the doctor who created it. You’re thinking of Frankincense’s monster.