Prank: if you’re standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic
Cookie dough and vodka are not dinner.
Coocie dogh and vodka are nt diner.
Cokie dgh and vodkka arnt dinr.
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“Quark, quark,” said the quantum duck.
*throws caution to the wind*
*wind blows it back in my face at 100 mph*
Wonder which part of Batman’s belt holds the bat-shaped throat lozenges he uses after speaking in his tough voice for long periods of time.
I’m no genius but I’m pretty sure Mexicans with anxiety have Hispanic attacks.
My mind says “no” but my heart says “yes”, all my vital organs speak English, it’s very confusing and loud
If God wanted to impress me with his ‘miracles’ he would’ve impregnated Joesph, not a poor unwed teenage girl. That shit happens every day.
Anyone can wish upon a star, but it takes guts to wish upon the moon. If you don’t aim that wish perfectly it will ricochet off a crater, which is how we lost the dinosaurs
My favorite Jobs:
Earth: “You’re causing tidal waves!”
Earth: “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation!”
Moon: “Very funny.”