I’d say at least 10% of parenting is smelling stuff.
Cop: anything in your pockets I should be aware of?
Me: I don’t think so
Cop: *pulls out egg*
Me: what lol
Cop: *pulls out another egg*
Me: wait how are you doing that?
Cop: *pulls out third egg*
Me: ok mister
Cop: *pulls out egg carton*
Me: what a fun time we’re having
You Might Also Like
”You will die alone.” I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!
I believe in healthy eating so today I’ll be making a Cadbury egg omelet.
@funTweeters TIL:The phrase “I plead the fifth” comes from the minimum volume of alcohol one can blame for committing the alleged infraction
*comes into work with black eye* oh please I’m fine guys! But you shoulda seen the other guy. He was a cabinet door that i walked into
I buy blocks of cheese.
For the grater good.
Guy: I like when a girl has curves
Me, taking off my Spanx: behold
Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
By age 30 you should have:
$3 in savings
$5,000 in credit card debt
A favorite spoon
One half-dead plant you feel really bad about because your mom keeps asking for grandkids but you’re not ready and you thought this basil plant would be a good place to start
Does the 5 second rule count for a baby? Asking for… Nevermind, her mom picked her up.