@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Cuz saying ‘pulled me under’ sounds weird??
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@skin_and_i: Playing guess the animal with 4yo. 4: it looks like a tiger. Me: a lion? 4: no. Me: leopard? 4: no. Me: i give up 4: it's a tiger
@therealeatwood: PRODUCER: OK, so this is a reality show about a blended family EXEC: Like a real-life Brady Bunch? PRODUCER: [uncovering giant blender] No
@_sweet_ham: Of course I can keep a secret, It's the people I tell it to that can't.
@QwertyJones3: A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
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