A second-hand deep fryer is an acceptable gift for third weddings right?
*cop frisking me*
Cop: “theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?”
*baby porcupine jumps out*
RUN POKEY, RUN
You Might Also Like
I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn’t come back. How long do you reckon before it’s safe to turn around?
“how is school going?”
Goes to church to find God’s love. Friendzoned.
How are you feeling?
*board begins spelling*
What the!? A cheesy board!?
Putin takes over entire world while everybody searches for the missing plane.
how did chucky manage to murder so many people??? just pick him up and yeet him in the bin. he’s a doll
Ocean’s 8 makes me feel seen as a woman but also as someone who has tried to organize anything with more than 3 people
*at waffle house*
“do you want bacon or sausage?”
I just signed up my three kids for bike and swimming lessons this summer….anyone know who I can contact about selling a kidney?