@_NinJar

*cop frisking me*
Cop: “theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?”
Uh, no
Cop: “OW!”
*baby porcupine jumps out*
RUN POKEY, RUN

You Might Also Like

@Darlainky

A second-hand deep fryer is an acceptable gift for third weddings right?

@Izianikapani

I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn’t come back. How long do you reckon before it’s safe to turn around?

@knot_eye

[ouija board]

How are you feeling?

*board begins spelling*
O-O-E-Y–G-O-O-E-Y

What the!? A cheesy board!?

G-O-U-D-A–G-U-E-S-S

@loribuckmajor

Putin takes over entire world while everybody searches for the missing plane.

@thholyghost

how did chucky manage to murder so many people??? just pick him up and yeet him in the bin. he’s a doll

@aparnapkin

Ocean’s 8 makes me feel seen as a woman but also as someone who has tried to organize anything with more than 3 people

@tupacasnack

*at waffle house*

“do you want bacon or sausage?”

‘YES’

@Kids_kubed

I just signed up my three kids for bike and swimming lessons this summer….anyone know who I can contact about selling a kidney?