@Reverend_Scott

Cop: Know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because I’m black??
Cop: Sir, you’re white, driving 90 in a 30.
Me: Racist.
Cop: Get out.

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@dumbbeezie

Sure I’ll come to your costume party. I’ll be a ninja. If you don’t see me then you know I took the challenge seriously

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

*Goes to zoo to see the world’s oldest tortoise.

Guide: He’s over 200 years old. How cool is that?

*Tortoise says something racist.

@TheHyyyype

CONDUCTOR: all aboard!

ME: i’m pretty bored

CONDUCTOR: no, i meant everyone on the train

ME: oh, i’m sure they’re bored too

@TheDailySchmuck

First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson.

The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.

@AmishPornStar1

If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook…

It’s your own fault for not making it offensive enough!

@Midlifecrisis18

My son didn’t call while I was on the road today so I’ll just be here in my hotel room playing ‘Cat’s in the Cradle’ on repeat.

@Bez

How do you delete Facebook? I’m not talking about my account I mean the entire thing.