@AnOrangeSNES

Corn mazes should just be called maizes from now on

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@meganamram

the sequel to “Up” should be called “Up 2: No Good” who do I tell this to

@SnarkyMommy78

4: can I have two little muffins?

Me: how about I give you one and if you finish it, I’ll give you another one

4: no I want two NOWWWW

Me: let’s start with one

4: NOOOO TWOOOO

Me: just one

4: TWOOOO

Me:

4:

Me:

4:

Me: FINE *gives her two*

4: *eats only one*

@seancehat

her: when I die can you bury me in my favorite dress

grave digger: I usually just wear my overalls

@MrGeorgeWallace

Good thing they had us dissect frogs in high school that prepared us for all the times in real life we’ve had to dissect frogs.

@BobGolen

I can’t come up with a guitar pun, but I won’t fret about it.

@foodfacenow

At his funeral. I lay my hand on your shoulder. I apply pressure, gently, in an attempt to move you from in front of the snack table.

@T_Bonezzz_

SPELLING BEE

“Defiant”

Can I have the definition, please?

“No”

@nattygeeee

Turns out my top three hobbies are:
1) restaurants
2) bars
3) non-essential businesses

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Sometimes a walk down memory lane is more of a blind, panicked sprint complete with windmill arms.