Call me old-fashioned, but I think if a kid’s old enough to feel comfortable saying, “Christ, Dad, can’t this thing go any faster?” they should get out of the stroller and walk.
Counselor: Why do you resent your wife
Me: She made me get out of line for Springsteen tix
M: Something about her water breaking
You Might Also Like
Sometimes the last thing people hear before they’re murdered is the sound of their pen that they won’t stop clicking.
the only music compact disc i own
Them: How can you hate someone you’ve never met?
Me: Oh. I can read.
– Reviews for “TicTacToe, The Movie”
[i see a hot girl walking her dog]
me: hi, can i ask you a question?
her: hi, uh, sure
me: i was talking to your dog
her: oh haha ok
me: *crouches down* hey buddy, your owner is hot, can you put in a good word for me
[at movie theatre]
Me (whispers): …it
There’s a reaaalllly old tupperware in the back of the fridge, I tried to open it, but then something closed it from the inside.
Local Singles 2.9 Miles From Your Area
Local Singles 3.7 Miles From Y..
“no dont leave”
Local Singles 7.8 Mile
A bird in the hand is never as fun as a hand in the bush.