I haven’t used algebra in 3x-q years
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
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If elected mayor, I promise to put a giant, ship-crushing squid in every sea.
[two bros pacing back and forth and flexing to prove they arent gay after accidentally reaching for the xbox controller at the same time]
This is ridiculous: “www” contains THREE TIMES more syllables than the phrase it is ‘short’ for, “world wide web.”
Thank God I wasn’t on twitter when I was in college. It would’ve taken me 65 years to get my degree.
Whatever you need to tell yourself, Amazon
If I ever say, “Do you want me to be honest?” Say no.
My husband: It’d be nice to have a wife who cooked dinner.
Me: ooo!! Can we get one?
Will I understand Se7en if I didn’t see 1ne though Si6?