@Dustinkcouch
me: i liked that movie ๐
The Person Who Has Read The Book: it was way different than the book
me: oh ok
The Person Who Has Read The Book: i read the book
me: i really liked the score ๐
The Person Who Has Read The Book: the book didn’t have music
@TweetPotato314
Wife: what are you doing
Me: teaching the dog poker
Wife: where are your pants
Me: *shuffling cards* lost em two hands ago
@EndhooS
I ate 4 lunch ladies before someone explained that’s not what they’re for.
@theshamingofjay
Friend 1: I was promoted.
Friend 2: I got engaged.
Friend 3: My wife is pregnant again.
Me: One of my selfies almost got 50 likes.
@NicestHippo
You had a flat tire on the highway? What was that like?
[cut to: me crying helplessly until AAA arrives]
Your survival instincts take over
@3sunzzz
My husband has texted me 12 times from the grocery store with questions. He’s only made it to aisle 4. Pray for me.
@PaigeKellerman
The great thing about having four kids is having four people to watch me bring in the groceries all by myself.
@theNuzzy
I’m never gonna tell the person I’m meeting up with that you said hi.
@Social_Mime
I had to buy our dog flowers because I accidentally called him our old dog’s name.
@DamienFahey
I was really moved by The Great Gatsby. Specifically, to the theater showing Iron Man 3.
@priya_ebooks