Never give your address or date of birth to anyone on social media.
Armed with this information, they could show up at your birthday party.
CW: Can you hold this Snickers?
CW: Are you holding it in your mouth?
You Might Also Like
Me: *holding a frying pan*
Brain: hit someone with it
Brain: DO IT! It’ll go BONG!
[Bruce Wayne enters Gotham Orphanage]
I’ll take your finest orphan.
“Sir, we can’t just give-”
“Do you like boy acrobats?”
Whenever I see anyone tweeting about donuts, I think “ugh”. Not because I’m disgusted by deep-fried sugary treats, but because those are the letters I want to insert into the spelling.
A WASP LANDED ON MY BARE FOOT AND NOW I KNOW HOW TO RIVERDANCE.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they’ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
“Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe’s pocket knife away and we’ll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can’t make him say sorry”
if u hurt ur leg u can use the frozen veggies at whole foods as ice packs 4 free. hold on im getting an update from the manager. no u cannot
I never said that I hated you!
All I said is that I hope you have your period when the next Sharknado comes around.