toddler *steps on my face trying to sneak into the bed*
me: You are the worst ninja ever
Dad: ok we need to find the number to that store, get the phone book
Me: Get the what now?
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I live in Canada. So, free health care.
Chuck Norris tries this at home.
Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be?
Me: Can they both be dead?
If you are wondering how many ketchup packets you can put in a Holiday Inn hot tub before people stop going in, the answer is 9.
[sips martini] *sigh* [sips margarita] Now THIS ONE is delicious!
Waiter: Ma’am, you can’t try drinks on other tables. Please sit down.
Me to 5: Wow, you’re a real…a real pill.
8: Uh, it’s not a GOOD thing to be called a ‘pill,’ you know.
5: Yes it is. Mommy loves pills.