@daemonic3
To Doo List:
1. Cockadoodle
2. Yabba Dabba
3. Voo
4. Sea
5. Didgeri
@KeetPotato
dad: “start a rumour so people are scared of you”
me: “ok”
[later]
cellmate: “i kill people for money”
me: “i brush my teeth with hot water”
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@daemonic3
@2tickytacky
Do what I say and everyone gets hurt.
@3sunzzz
As I sit in this coffee shop practicing for my Sign Language final it occurs to me, all of these people probably think that I’m talking to myself.
@muse_me_again
Just once when someone says, “Is anyone there?” in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. “What up. I’m over here. You got me.”
@urmumsausername
Last night, during dinner, my 7 year old son said….
I need a pen and paper to write down the recipe for this so that when I have children I can make it for them because it’s really nice.
So apparently, he has his whole life planned out, including meals.
@MzCoburn
This whole time I thought Ariana Grande was a font
@CoachChelley
How many zombies would Rob Zombie rob if Rob Zombie could rob zombies?
@mattZillaaaa
People come into your life for a reason. It’s annoying
@Bandersnaaatch
Home is where the heart is, and hopefully it’s where all of the other vital organs reside too.
@XLCadillac
My two levels of drunk are 1) dancing with fat chicks at the club 2) smashing my neighbor’s window thinking I locked myself out of my house.