@TheRealNickKay

Daddy Bear -“Someones been sleeping in my bed.”

Mummy Bear -“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Daddy Bear -“It’s been 3 years Sue, let it go.”

You Might Also Like

@AbbieEvansXO

Me: please just one more wish

Genie: no, I said 3

Me: please

Genie: no

Me: [holding my new Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello action figures] Genie please

@TheWoodenslurpy

To people calling themselves “Grammar Nazis”: you’re not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I’m a Nomenclature Nazi.

@daveexplosm

Ever since Facebook allowed images in their comments sections people only ever communicate via pictures. We’re 21st-century cavemen.

@Parkerlawyer

I just reached in my purse for a pen and found a full 4 pack chicken nugget box from McDonalds.

So I get it, squirrels. I get it.

@Dutch_50

Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once.

@OVO_Ty15

I wonder what my future wife is doing right now..
Hopefully modeling.

@hellolanemoore

2020 was supposed to be the year of flying cars, and instead it’s the year Americans learned they’re supposed to be washing their hands.

@XplodingUnicorn

I walked into a gas station & a woman handed me a free slice of pizza

Either Iowa is the nicest state in America or I’ve just been poisoned