@Home_Halfway

Damn girl are you a kids movie from my generation because you’re fun and cute but also horrifying in many ways I didn’t originally realize.

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@Jeff_G_Nixon

“Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!”
CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.

@KateWhineHall

I don’t care what anybody says, my six hours of Black Friday shopping saved me at least $7.50.

@IndecisiveJones

lost boys: how’d the prank on captain hook go?

peter pan: oh you guys are gonna love this HAHA I cut off his hand LOL and i FED IT TO THE CROCODILE 🙂

lost boys:

peter pan: so funny

lost boys: you’re a sociopath

@Sickayduh

“OMG I’m so wet right now”

– Me after washing a spoon

@AddledPixie

Always a bridesmaid never a vengeful ghost in a glowing fog.

@molly7anne

who’s your fav Disney Princess? Mine is the Italian chef who made an entire candlelit meal for two stray dogs and then serenaded them until they kissed

@Tuna_Lover

I’m not a Doctor, but I played one until I got arrested.