“Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!”
CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.
Damn girl are you a kids movie from my generation because you’re fun and cute but also horrifying in many ways I didn’t originally realize.
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I don’t care what anybody says, my six hours of Black Friday shopping saved me at least $7.50.
lost boys: how’d the prank on captain hook go?
peter pan: oh you guys are gonna love this HAHA I cut off his hand LOL and i FED IT TO THE CROCODILE 🙂
peter pan: so funny
lost boys: you’re a sociopath
The first guy to stain glass was probably like, “oh no”
“OMG I’m so wet right now”
– Me after washing a spoon
Always a bridesmaid never a vengeful ghost in a glowing fog.
I’m not needy. I’m wanty.
who’s your fav Disney Princess? Mine is the Italian chef who made an entire candlelit meal for two stray dogs and then serenaded them until they kissed
I’m not a Doctor, but I played one until I got arrested.
30 is the new 20 until you hang out with 20 yr olds.