@TacoStamp1: Damn my stomach is making really weird noises...I'm gonna go ahead and send a donut down there to check things out.
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@Cheeseboy22: Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That'll show em'.
@tweetsbyrocket: me: see the wrist strap stops you from dropping the wiimote voldemort: this is brilliant [later] harry potter: expelliarmus! voldemort: [wand dangling from wrist] lmao nice try
@djdarrellripley: Me: Let's go outside & make love in the rain. Her: What if there's lightning? Me: Then you get to be on top...
@TheUrbanSlangs: Drunk - When you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.