@KenJennings: Dance like no one is threatening to call the police if you don't take your boombox and leave the Christian Science Reading Room immediately.
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@POTerritory: OK so apparently "psychosis" is one word, and doesn't specifically refer to my female sibling.
@TheMichaelRock: According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1.
@partlyfunny: My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.
@TheMichaelRock: *wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a..
@Browtweaten: Wife: Are you ever gonna use that workout DVD I got you? Me: *defensively* I have been using- Wife: Not as a coaster Me: *sipping beverage* This is a sports drink
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