It is snowing perfect snowball packing snow right now, so I was wondering if anyone would like to walk slowly past my house?
DATE: I want someone that is focused on their own personal growth
ME: [to the waiter] On second thought, I’ll have two lasagnas, this evening
You Might Also Like
My bf asked me to act like a “naughty school girl” for him so I forged a note from my mom saying I don’t have to participate.
me: hit that tree with your fist
hitman: that’s not what i do
me: hundred bucks
me: will you punch a house
Me: You’re gorgeous
Her: OMG that is so sweet, c’mere *I walk right past her & start french kissing her collection of scented candles*
Coworker: sorry to bother you
Me: you should be
HER: I cant see u anymore
ME (hiding under table): lol I know
H: no I mean I cant see u anymore
M (still under table): lol I know
tried to stop my dog from swallowing a hammer but it was tool ate
I make up for those people who jog in place at red lights by eating snacks while lying down in bed.
“Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” “Dude.” – crickets (translated)
Wiping your nose on the person’s shoulder during a hug discourages future hugs.