@MarcusTheToken: Whenever I'm on a flight and a bald person sits next to me, it takes a ton of willpower not to draw on their head when they are sleep.

@Stellacopter: Imagine falling in love with someone and finding out they raise their hand at the end of a long boring meeting to ask a question.

@MarfSalvador: [About to sign divorce papers] and I definitely get to keep this pen?

@UnFitz: I haven’t prevented a single forest fire. Is it possible that Smokey was talking to someone behind me?

@ArfMeasures: DATE: I'm really into *bites lip & lowers voice* S&M ME: Well, I *trails finger sexily across the table* like all of the letters