@FrazzleMyGimp

DATE: {seductively} What’s your type?

ME: {seductively} One sec.

[2 minutes later]

ME: Ok yeah, love you, no I’m on a date, mom she’s the one trust me, thanks again, ok bye. {turns to date} She said B positive.

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@SteveKoehler22

My wife told me we had a Lent calendar.
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I just yelled ‘Jayden’ at the mall and now I’m a mom to like 20 kids.

@ArfMeasures

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Mom: Do you think he’s getting too old for this?

Dad *getting in car* it is harder since he moved out

@cravin4

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Me: Fake?

@QwertyJones3

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@turtledumplin

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me: I just left and I already miss you
wife *typing response*
me: (can you read that to the dog for me)

@FeralCrone

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@VodkaShorebird

I’m with you, Hungry Hungry Hippos. I don’t find small plastic balls very filling, either. I can’t believe this what you guys eat in Africa!