@Julian_Epp
People need to wake up and accept that Batman regularly commits tax fraud
@Brampersandon_
[date]
ME: ill have the fish & chips
MERMAID: are u serious?
ME: what
MERMAID: *tries to storm off but ends up just flopping around a bit*
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@Julian_Epp
@fro_vo
[restaurant]
Waiter: *holding pepper mill* say when
Me: huh? why
Waiter: when means stop
Me: oh
Date: how do you not- okay you know what i think we should stop seeing each other
Me: *glances knowingly at waiter* i think you mean we should WHEN seeing each other
@AnissaClingman
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just “Morning,” don’t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ “Noon.”
Seriously, what did ya expect?
@PleaseBeGneiss
Me: the refrigerator wasn’t built for this
Her: all the food?
Me: no this penguin
@nowarranty
I’m only two people away from having a love triangle.
@gruffybeard
Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan.
Me: *makes another plate of nachos*
@LlamaInaTux
Guy who invented the piano: 200 hundred years from now it may need tuning but it will be sturdy. So sturdy.
His friend, who invented piano benches: the legs are designed for maximum wobble
@Cryptoterra
My sense of humor has been described as “please stop” and “you’re ruining dinner”
@briancthayer
[rap battle]
Opponent: *crushes it*
Me: Oh, I… umm. I thought this was something else… *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*
@ashtoochill
lmfao
