@zakagan: date: what’s your dream job? me: designing food stats for RPGs date: umm ok… *sips water* me: [under breath] -2 thirst

@JP_theAntiHero: Cat: who? Me: what? Cat: when? Me: where? Cat: how? Me: Cat: we need a life Me: we Cat: well Im dead and ur talkin to me so more you Me:

@DaHess1: My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy.

@justokpanda: Me: *twirling* And this stress has POCKETS can you believe it??! Therapist: Please sit down. Me:*falling over* Ok

@iinkedZombie: My 8 year old just pointed a lady into the direction of the toy section at this K-Mart and now he's the assistant manager