@knot_eye

Dear Ad Agencies,

Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials.

On behalf of dog owners everywhere,

Thanks!

You Might Also Like

@Lhlodder

Okay, kids, listen closely cause I’m only gonna say this 257,000 more times.

–Moms

@neonwario

Imagine how stupid you’d feel if you pitched “Yabba dabba doo” at that early Flintstones meeting and it didn’t hit

@CoolCamel69

[picking out a washing machine]
how many watermelons can this hold?
“uhh I dunno, 11?”
only 11?
*keeps walking to next one*
how many waterme

@smelbz

The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don’t like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.

@JayCee302

Me: “I really like this car”

Salesman: “Yeah and it also has a latch in case someone gets stuck in the trunk!”

Me: “Eh, what else ya got?”

@SvnSxty

Director: Ok, this time you have to say the butter part

Owen Wilson: wow

Director: The whole thing Owen, “Wow, I can’t believe it’s not butter”

Owen Wilson: wow

@ArfMeasures

SON: What’s a sex tape?
ME: Er well when er a man & a woman have er intercourse they
S: No
M: No?
S: Dad. I know what sex is. What’s a tape?

@KalvinMacleod

ME: *eating shepherd’s pie* this is really yummy
SHEPHERD: hey, that’s my pie

@Try2StopME

Always trust the judgements of a man who honestly answers to the question ‘What’s up?’