@Bakari_Sellers
@DitzMcGeee
this bacon wrapped sausage is making me feel uncomfortable.
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@DitzMcGeee
@chrisdowning
Seems a bit forward
@BGH70
What do you call an upset reindeer?
Caribou-hoo.
*Ba-dum-tsss
@thr33circles
Quitting twitter is the adult version of running away from home. We ALL know you’re doing it for attention and we ALL know you’ll be back.
@English_Channel
The word October loosely translates to ’eight bers’
@WittySassBasket
Wait, wait, wait. Don’t I get three wishes?
Cop: Ma’am, that’s not how this works.
@Laser_Cat
There’s a big difference between seminary school and semenary school.
@dogheadcoffee
You got acute appendicitis ..
No, YOU got a cute appendicitis *winks at doctor*
@NewDadNotes
Worm: first snake and now me? this is bullsh-
God: I literally just ran out of legs my dude.
Worm: I mean that’s fair.
[Centipede crawls by]
Worm:
God: I didn’t say why I ran out of legs.
@robfee
Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages with all the neighbors that Kevin was home alone? Thanks Obama.