@neerjagurnani: Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I'm affordable" instead of "I'm adorable". Stop embarrassing me.
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@GensPlace: I know I'm gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: I'm not into anything "weird", but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF.
@ojedge: Wife: "Are you ok? You look exhausted." Me: "I saw one of those silica gel packs that says 'Do Not Eat' 4 days ago & I'm starving to death"