@neerjagurnani: Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I'm affordable" instead of "I'm adorable". Stop embarrassing me.
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@Smooheed: If you've ever wondered what it's like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler
@ArfMeasures: SATAN: Welcome to hell ME: That's nice, giving me a welcome S: I never thought of it like that M: You're a nice guy S: *tearing up* no u are
@Lexi__Alexandra: "Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. "I don't work here" I yelled back.
@JKNenagh: 7: Dad what does this word mean Me: Bring me a dictionary *Smack up side the head Me: Now go google that shit