Babe, does this mole look suspicious to you?
*Points at mole wearing sunglasses and a raincoat*
We’ll never be upset to the point of throwing expensive jewelry at the bottom of the ocean. Never.
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If nothing else, the iOS7 update has proved it’s usefulness by automatically adding the little accent mark to the word jalapeño for me.
Me, opening my eyes to see I have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off:
Friend: Just be generous and sophisticated
Me: Got it
Date: I’ll have a glass of wine
Me: No *winks at date and then looks at waiter* bring the whole box
Keep ignoring my texts and I swear to God I’ll leave a voicemail.
Make sure you finish all of your math homework, there are dumb kids in America who can’t add – parents in China, probably
I want to go see the new Queen movie but I am just a poor boy from a poor family…
how to hot dogs:
1) “read” hot dogs instructions
2) place 5 to 60 hot dogs in warm microwave or sink
3) add 1 piece of ketchup
Historic moments in rap.
Jay W [username taken]
Jay X [username taken]
Jay Y [username taken]
My 4yo picked up a toy and put it away without being asked, and I just stared at her like she was a woodland animal I didn’t want to scare.