@eileencurtright: Death hack: bury your loved ones with their fitness trackers for a low-cost early zombie alert system.
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@fsuflores: An ice bucket challenge ... But for when teenagers don't want to get out of bed and get ready for school.
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@GrowlyGrego: [spelling bee] Your word is "spider" Can you use it in a sentence? "A spider has eight eyes." [kid smiles] Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R