My demon: [dragging me down rabbit hole with me kicking and screaming]
Also my demon: there will be cookies
Me: say no more!
Death is often a good career move if you’re a poet.
You Might Also Like
Boss: And why can’t you come in today?
Me: *at an aquatic petting zoo* I’m feeling a little eel.
[hiding under bed from murderer]
cellmate: I know you’re there
“The Ugly Duckling” has a great message.
Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
*Ordering Chinese Food
Vanilla Ice: I’ll have egg rolls and chicken fried rice rice baby
*1941 movie pitch*
“So it’s about an elephant w/big ears and we call him stupid then torture his mother.”
Walt Disney, “I smell a winner.”
I’m far too cute to only have one ex-husband.
Most guys: send noodes
Me: Have you showered & brushed your teeth?
16: Stop bullying me.