[gynecologist making small talk during an exam]
DOCTOR: So you’re in the military?
DOCTOR: Well thank you for your cervix
Guard: Before we put you in the electric chair what would you like to eat for your last meal?
Me: The electric chair please
You Might Also Like
Canada has seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
“guns don’t kill people, guns CREATE people!”
*fires 10 newborn babies out of a bazooka*
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I’m having sex.
Probably with the other sock.
I just pulled over for a siren on the radio so I get it, dogs that bark at tv.
Him: My tummy feels crummy.
Me: Too much rummy, dummy.
Been playing hide n’ seek with my niece and nephew for the last three hours. I guess I should get off twitter and go and look for them now.
[ First Date ]
Her: So you’re a MMA fighter?
* flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom’s *
Me: Yea, I’m still training
Poop your pants one time and suddenly you’re banned from the MacDonalds ball pit