I hope the next Adam Sandler movie has a wacky grandpa who uses “bae” all the time so you guys will stop thinking its funny
*deleted Titanic scene*
Jack: don’t worry Rose, fat floats
Rose: so do doors with only ONE person on it!!
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arnold schwarzenegger opening a flower shop saying things like “come with me if you want tulips” and “it’s not a petunia” and “your clovers. give them to me”
“I’m so stoked!”
-An excited fireplace
Ben-Hur was actually called, Fast & The Furious: Jerusalem Drift, but the name didn’t catch on like they had hoped
Left a plaster cast of my mouth at the bakery so they know exactly how big to bake the cupcakes
Every time I play guitar at home, my wife goes looking for a cat we don’t have.
Some kid at the pool: wanna see me do something cool?
Me: I don’t even want to see my own kid do something cool
If I ever met the Dalai Lama, I would ask him a question that has plagued me my entire life.
“What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?”
My 4yo just saw two people french kissing on TV and asked me why they were “eating each other,” so I’m open to suggestions here.