When people are making out in public make things even more awkward by applying chapstick and announcing you’re next
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato
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“I have no advice. I can’t talk! I am a building.” -Prison advice
I’m torn between having ‘wish you were here’ or ‘look behind you’ engraved on my headstone.
In space, no one can hear you scream. Because it’s space, and everyone is on the ground. What are you even doing up there?
A dating app where they just match you up with somebody with an identical credit score is yours
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo.”
“PS, I love you” — Me to my PlayStation.
Show me your pushy.
– Sean Connery shext
“Just how drunk are you?”
– “French toast”
Him: You’re amazing! I’m having a great time!
Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.