@daemonic3

Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato

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@PrisonCookies

When people are making out in public make things even more awkward by applying chapstick and announcing you’re next

@donni

“I have no advice. I can’t talk! I am a building.” -Prison advice

@Lisa_Laughs_

I’m torn between having ‘wish you were here’ or ‘look behind you’ engraved on my headstone.

@Laser_Cat

In space, no one can hear you scream. Because it’s space, and everyone is on the ground. What are you even doing up there?

@SirJeremyLondon

A dating app where they just match you up with somebody with an identical credit score is yours

@doktorj

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, and being tagged in a super unflattering photo.”

@Sassafrantz

[first date]
Him: You’re amazing! I’m having a great time!
Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.