Me: I just ran into your brother.
Friend: How’s he doing?
Me: Not so good. I ran into him pretty hard.
Despite popular opinion, you can eat fire. You just can’t eat it twice.
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summer: wait its midnight alredy?? the sun hasn’t even set yet!! lol
winter: HOW. HOW IS IT NOT EVEN 8PM. THE SUN SET LIKE 5 DAYS AGO
Look, I’m not saying it’s you, all I’m saying is that it’s definitely not me.
If you love Batman, let him go, because Batman Returns.
If you’re feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you!
I’ve wasted the best years of my life waiting for people to join conference calls.
Welcome to America, where the politicians we dislike ‘flip-flop on issues’ but the politicians we like ‘evolve.’
I asked mom once how she knew dad was “the one”.
“because,” she replied, “DNA tests don’t lie.”
It’s impossible to say “mesh” without sounding like Sean Connery…
Also you just tried it.
Ace of Base and the Lords of Acid meet in a bar and neutralize each other