I had a dream I was making out with someone with really bad breath.
Judging by the look on my dog’s face, I’d say we had the same dream.
Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories.
You Might Also Like
Cartoons lied to me as a child. I was lead to believe quicksand was going to be a much larger problem in life.
My superpower is making red lights turn green simply by trying to write a tweet.
I don’t know if hand sanitizer actually works but it sure as hell lets you know where the broken skin is hiding
I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says “May contain almonds.” What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?
9, playing an iPad game: Weird… I accidentally did something and my character became fat.
If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?
If you pull out a knife and start sharpening it, people soon stop telling you about their plans for Valentine’s Day.
You hear about people running amok but what about people doing other things amok? I often eat chocolate amok and you don’t hear about that.
[Truth or Dare]
Her: What’s your biggest secret?
Salazar Slytherin: *sweating* No secrets here haha. Definitely not a chamber full of ’em