Did Ace of Base ever do another song wherein it was explained what happened to her original baby?
You Might Also Like
Hot pockets… cook on high for 1 minute, let cool for 27 years!
“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.
[first date]
me: are you a reader?
date: omg i love reading
me: [handing her my menu] thank god
Doctor: I’m diagnosing you with onomatopoeia
Me: what’s that???
Doctor: exactly what it sounds like
I appreciate people venturing into entrepreneurship but is it really necessary to call yourself CEO when your firm is total of 3 people?
Today I have learnt – if you try and give someone the finger whilst wearing mittens, you are basically just showing them your mittens.
“Do you want to hold my baby?”
Yeah nice try. You got yourself into this mess you hold your own damn baby.
The hardest part about Halloween dinner is the buttering of the candy corn.
‘I HATE drama!’ -Dramatic people
saving face 👀
doctor: open up
me: it all started when my dad left
doctor: and say ahh
me: oh
doctor: no, “ahh”
imagine a store where you can steal anything for free. if you steal it, it’s yours. to make it exciting, if you get caught, they arrest you
Well, this is awkward
[at pet store]
“This tortoise’s shell keeps going soft. Am I doing something wrong?”
“No, it happens. It’s just a reptile dysfunction.”
Girlfriend: *twirls hair* so tell me what you like about me the most
Me: probably your willingness to date me
My neighbor is sitting in his driveway, wearing tank top and shorts, drinking a beer, smoking a cigar, and blasting Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.”
I know we are supposed to check on our neighbors but I think he’s good.
I let my kids choose between walking to get pizza or driving to get tacos because it’s important for them to feel like they have some control in their lives and I really want tacos.
I asked my twins the best thing about turning 6 and my boy twin said “my hands growing bigger” and my girl twin said “I can drink wine now”
Take it from me
Yellow crayons are no substitute for cheese
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to try to dress a jelly fish, here, try to get pants on my toddler
[Home invasion]
Me: isn’t there anything ELSE you want to take?
Burglar: lady I told you I’m married
William Shakespeare never hugged or cuddled. Lovers called him the “No Holds Bard”.
me: well it’s technically the bride of frankenstein’s monster
hostage negotiator: we should get back on topic
I’m really worried Justin Timberlake is going to have me naked by the end of this song.
Love a good morning stretch that turns into an involuntary pterodactyl screech
So that’s what we looked like?
I bet most people learn their neighbor kid’s name not by proper introduction, but by the parents yelling it in a loud voice over & over.
ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers
My kid just started to learn how to play the drums and for 5 dollars I can send you a sound file to use as a method of torture for those coworkers who cook fish in the microwave
